Silly Songs With AVALANCHE
by Karu Leonnese
Summary: ^.^o CHAPTER 10 UP!!! Request for Destiny, and gift for Tamayo!!! ^.~
1. The Hairbrush Song

Notes: Another in my VeggieTales line...If I can remember anymore of the songs, I'll do more. This one didn't turn out as I had hoped, but oh well.  
  
  
  
Cait Sith: [V.O] Welcome to Silly Songs with AVALANCHE, the part of the game where a FF7 member comes out--and sings a silly song.  
  
[Bathroom backdrop crashes to the stage. Vincent inches onstage, obviously embarassed at his costuming, which is nothing but a towel.]  
  
Cait: Our curtain opens as Vincent, having just finished his morning bath, is searching for his hairbrush. Having no success, Vincent cries out...  
  
Vincent: [sings] Oh, where is my hairbrush? Oh where is my hairbrush? Oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where oh, where... is my hairbrush?  
  
Cait: ...Having heard his cry, Tifa enters the scene. Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Vincent in a towel, Tifa regains her composure and reports...  
  
Tifa: [sings loudly, pointing somewhere] I think I saw a hairbrush back there.  
  
Vincent: Back there is my hairbrush. Back there is my hairbrush. Back there, back there, oh, where, back there, oh, where, oh, where, back there, back there, back there... is my hairbrush.  
  
Cait: Having heard his joyous proclamation, Sephiroth enters the scene. Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Vincent in a towel, Sephiroth regains his composure and comments...  
  
Sephiroth: [grins] Why do you need a hairbrush? You don't have messy hair!  
  
Cait: Vincent is taken aback. The thought had never occurred to him. Messy hair? What would this mean? What will become of him? What will become of his hairbrush? Vincent wonders...  
  
Vincent: Messy hair for my hairbrush. Messy hair for my hairbrush. No hair, no hair, no where, no hair, no hair, no hair, no where back there, no hair... for my hairbrush.  
  
Cait: Having heard his wonderings, Cid enters the scene. Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Vincent in a towel, Cid regains his composure and confesses...  
  
Cid: [nervously] Vincent, that old hairbrush of yours ... Well, you never use it, you don't really need it. So, well, I'm sorry... I didn't know. But I gave it to Cloud.. [smiles] 'Cause he's got messy hair.  
  
Cait: Feeling a deep sense of loss, Vincent stumbles back and laments...  
  
Vincent: Not fair! Oh, my hairbrush. Not fair! My poor hairbrush. Not fair, not fair, no hair, not fair, no where, no hair, not fair, not fair, not fair! My little hairbrush!  
  
Cait: Having heard his lament, Cloud enters the scene. Himself in a towel, both Vincent and Cloud are shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of- - each other.  
  
Cait: ! ...But, recognizing Vincent's generosity, Cloud is thankful...  
  
Cloud: [slow and monotone] Thanks for the hairbrush.  
  
Cait: Yes, good has been done here. Cloud exits the scene. Vincent smiles, but, still feeling an emotional attachment for the hairbrush, calls out...  
  
Vincent: Take care of my hairbrush. Take care, oh my hairbrush. Take care, take care, don't dare not care. Take care. Nice hair. No fair. Take care, take care... of my hairbrush!  
  
Cait: The end! 


	2. The Water Buffalo Song

A/N: Written on the school bus. The song is from VeggieTales, no matter how crazy that seems. Another of the written long ago works.  
  
  
  
Vincent: [voice-over] And now it's time for Silly Songs with AVALANCHE. The part of the show where a FF7 member comes out and sings...a silly song.  
  
[Cid walks onstage, smiling. Country music starts to play as he begins to sing:]  
  
Cid: Everybody's got a water buffalo  
  
Your's is fast but mine is slow  
  
Where did they come from I don't know  
  
But everybody's got a water buffa-loooooooooo!  
  
[Sephiroth runs onscreen.]  
  
Seph: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! You can't say everybody's got a water buffalo! Not everyone has a water buffalo. We're going to letters from people saying 'Where's my water buffalo?' 'Why don't I have a water buffalo?' And I don't think you're prepared to deal with that! So stop being so silly!  
  
Cid: ... ... ...I see.  
  
[Sephiroth leaves.]  
  
Vincent: [v.o] Tune in next time to hear Duo sing:  
  
[Same tune plays, and Cid sings]  
  
Cid: Everybody's got a baby kangaroo  
  
Your's is pink and mine is blue  
  
Oh where-  
  
[He is cut off as Seph runs in screaming. He lunges and tackles Cid. Both fly offstage, and a giant crash is heard.]  
  
Vincent: ...The end.  
  
[Fade to black]  
  
~Owari! 


	3. The Song of the Cuccumber

The Song of the Player  
  
  
  
Notes: This is a request from Andreah. Everyone is so cool in reviewing this! I think next is the Pirates one to whoever asked for the Flower Girl!  
  
  
  
Vincent: And now it's time for Silly Songs With AVALANCHE. The part of our show where an FF7 member sings...a sily song.  
  
[Barret and Tifa come onstage.]  
  
Vincent: Barret will be performing the traditional Ghetto Fabulous ballad, 'The Dance of the Player,' in it's original ebonics. Tifa will translate."  
  
Barret: Yo, check me out foo  
  
Tifa: Watch the player  
  
Barret: See me groove  
  
Tifa: See how he moves  
  
Barret: I'm some coo cizat  
  
Tifa: Like a lion  
  
Barret: 'Bout to bust a cap in dis mizouse  
  
Tifa: Chasing a mouse.  
  
Barret: Check me out foo  
  
Tifa: Watch the player  
  
Barret: Check dis wicked moves  
  
Tifa: Oh, how smooth his motion  
  
Barret: It's some margerine  
  
Tifa: Like butter  
  
Barret: On Rude's head  
  
Tifa: On a ... bald monkey.  
  
Barret: Check out dis playa  
  
Tifa: Look at the player  
  
Barret: All dez peeps  
  
Tifa: All the people  
  
Barret: Iz green 'bout my mad skillz  
  
Tifa: Envy their friend  
  
Barret: dey'z want ta groove like me  
  
Tifa: Wishing to dance as he  
  
Barret: Groovin' playa, groovin playa, gorrvin' playa  
  
Tifa: Dancing player, dancing player, dancing player  
  
Barret: Groove, groove ya!  
  
Tifa: Dance, dance, yeah!  
  
Barret: Check diz white chick  
  
Tifa: Look at the white girl  
  
Barret: Ain't it a pity?  
  
Tifa: Isn't it sad?  
  
Barret: White peeps ain't got da moves  
  
Tifa: She can't dance.  
  
Barret: I pity da white chick  
  
Tifa: Poor white girl  
  
Barret: She jonesin fo mah moves  
  
Tifa: She wishes she could dance  
  
Barret: Da moves I gots  
  
Tifa: Like the player  
  
Barret: Tight an' sweet  
  
Tifa: Free and smooth.  
  
Barret: But she ain't hip  
  
Tifa: But she can't ... Okay! Stop the music! What do ya mean I can't dance? I can dance! What about Cloud's polka party? Didn't you see me dancing at Cloud's polka party?  
  
Barret: Talk to da hand  
  
Tifa: Talk to the hand? I'll show you 'Talk to the hand'!  
  
[Yuffie, Cid and Vincent run in. Vin is being followed by some Moogles.]  
  
Yuffie: Cid! Vinny! Look over here! Get a picture of me next to the player in authentic  
  
Ghetto Fabulous garb!  
  
Cid: Okay. But we'd better hurry - I think the Moogles have your friend confused with  
  
someone else! Say 'Peas!'  
  
All: Peas!  
  
[The three leave, Vincent running offstage, chased by the Moogles.]  
  
Barret: Check dis out  
  
Tifa: Listen to the player  
  
Barret: I gots bass  
  
Tifa: Hear his strong voice  
  
Barret: I'm some coo cizat  
  
Tifa: Like a lion  
  
Barret: 'Bout to get his grub on  
  
Tifa: About to eat.  
  
Barret: Check me out  
  
Tifa: Listen to the player  
  
Barret: My tunes is sweet  
  
Tifa: Oh how sweet his voice  
  
Barret: It's tight  
  
Tifa: The breath from his throat is like a chorus of little birdies.  
  
Barret: Yo, hear dis  
  
Tifa: Listen to the player  
  
Barret: All mah peeps  
  
Tifa: All the people  
  
Barret: Dey's green 'bout mah skillz  
  
Tifa: Envy their friend  
  
Barret: Dey want mah mad skillz  
  
Tifa: Wishing to sing as he."  
  
Barret: Rappin playa, rappin playa, rappin playa  
  
Tifa: Singing player, singing player, singing player  
  
Barret: Rap, rap, ya!  
  
Tifa: Sing, sing, yeah!  
  
Barret: Check dis white chick  
  
Tifa: Listen to the white girl  
  
Barret: Ain't it trifflin?  
  
Tifa: Isn't it sad?  
  
Barret: Can't rap no stuffz  
  
Tifa: She can't sing.  
  
Barret: I pity da bizitch  
  
Tifa: Poor white girl  
  
Barret: She jonesin' fo mah bass  
  
Tifa: She wishes he could sing  
  
Barret: Mah sweet groove  
  
Tifa: Strong and sweet like the player  
  
Barret: It ain't happenin  
  
Tifa: But she can't ...  
  
Barret: Chick can't even try  
  
Tifa: Can't even ... whistle! All right! That's it Senor! Come over here and let me sing YOU a song!  
  
Barret: Check it, I'm outie!  
  
Vincent: This has been Silly Songs With AVALANCHE. Tune in next time to hear Barret sing ...  
  
Barret: Tifa's really angry! I hope she doesn't catch me! It's so hard to run with this sombrero on my  
  
head! 


	4. The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything

The Turks Who Don't Do Anything  
  
Notes: Request for the Flower Girl! Uh...just to let you know, this is one of the few I haven't seen, so I don't know how this goes. I like some parts, but it's not my best. Gomen..^.^o  
  
  
  
Vincent: Now it's time for Silly Songs With AVALANCHE. The part of the show where an FF7 member sings...a silly song. Joining Reno are Rude and Elena, who together make up the infamous gang of scalliwags, the Turks Who Don't Do Anything!  
  
Reno, Rude, Elena: "We are the Turks Who Don't Do Anything! We just stay home and lie  
  
around. And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you ..."  
  
Reno: We'll get around to it!  
  
Rude: Well, I've never been to Mideel and I've never been past Midgar, and I've never killed a scientist in Nibelhiem or Kalm, and I've never been to 7th Heaven and I've never been to the Mansion, and I've never been to Costa del Sol in the fall.  
  
All: 'Cuz we're the Turks Who Don't Do Anything! We just stay home and lie around. And if you  
  
ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you ...  
  
Mr. Lunt: We'll get around to it. And I never hussled a mercenary and I'd never stab the president,  
  
and I never sail his boat 'cuz I never sail at all, and I've never walked the gang slum and I've  
  
never owned a suit, and I've never been to Costa del Sol in the fall.  
  
All: 'Cuz we're the Turks Who Don't Do Anything! We just stay at home and lie around. And if you  
  
ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you ... We'll get around to it!  
  
Reno: Well, I've never plucked a rooster and I'm not too good at ping-pong, and I've never thrown  
  
my mashed potatoes up against the wall, and I've never kissed a chipmunk and I've never gotten head  
  
lice, and I've never been to Boston in the fall!  
  
Rude: Huh? What are you talking about? What's a rooster and mashed potatoes have to do with being  
  
a Turk??  
  
Elena: Hey, that's right! We're supposed to sing about Turk-y things!  
  
Reno: Oh ...  
  
Rude: And who ever kissed a chipmunk? That's just nonsense! Why even bring it up? Am I right?  
  
What do you think?  
  
Elena: I think you look like Mr. Clean!  
  
Rude: Huh? No I don't!  
  
Elena: Do too.  
  
Rude: Do not!  
  
Elena: You're making me wanna mop the floor.  
  
Rude: That's it, you're eatin a silver pill!  
  
Elena: Says who?  
  
Rude: Says me, that's who!  
  
Elena: Oh, yeah? Aye aye, Mr. Clean!  
  
Reno: *obviously drunk by now* And I've never licked a spark plug and I've never sniffed a stink bug, and I've never painted daisies on a big red rubber ball, and I've never bathed in yogurt and I don't look good in leggings ...  
  
Rude: You just don't get it!  
  
All: And we've never been to Costa del Sol in the fall!  
  
Rude: Pass the chips! Who's got the remote control?  
  
Reno: Here is is!  
  
Elena: Time for Geraldo!  
  
Rude: It's definitely time for Springer.  
  
Elena: Oh, I don't like this show ... 


	5. The Song of the Cebu

The Song of the Chocobo  
  
Notes: I love this one! ^.~ This is one of the ones Morrigan suggested to me in the last review.  
  
  
  
Sephiroth: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! Cloud Strife presents, in a sequential image, stereophonic, multimedia event, the "Song of the Chocobo!"  
  
[Scene shows Cloud with a slide projector, with Yuffie, Cid and Reeve sitting on chairs in front of it.]  
  
Cloud: Chocobo! This is a song about a boy ... a song about a little boy and his Chocobos ... a song about a little boy and his three Chocobos ... the little boy who had a sick Chocobo, a sad Chocobo and a mute Chocobo. And also a hippo.  
  
[Clicks slides while talking]  
  
Um ... um ... this is a picture of me at the airport. This is my Aunt Ruth. This is me at a bullfight. This is me fighting the bull.  
  
Yuffie/ Cid/ Reeve: Ohh!  
  
Cloud: This is me and the bull.  
  
Yuffie/ Cid/ Reeve: Ahh!  
  
Cloud: This is me and the bull and ... I think that's the bull's cousin. He's a Chocobo!  
  
[Vincent runs in]  
  
Vincent: Hold it! You call this a multimedia event? This is a slide projector and a bed sheet! And  
  
what on Earth is a Chocobo, anyway?  
  
Cloud: It's kind of like an ostrich. See?  
  
Vincent: Yes. Well, very good. This could be interesting. Carry on!  
  
[He leaves]  
  
Cloud: Chocobo! Sing it with me! Chocobo!  
  
Yuffie/ Cid/ Reeve: Chocobo!  
  
[Cloud clicks slides while singing]  
  
Cloud: Boy is riding with Chocobo  
  
Yuffie/ Cid/ Reeve: Boy is riding with Chocobo  
  
Cloud: Into town in his canoe  
  
Yuffie/ Cid/ Reeve: Into town in his canoe  
  
Larry: Sick Chocobo is rowing and sneezing. Achoo wark wark, achoo wark wark, achoo wark wark, achoo wark wark wark wark  
  
Yuffie/ Cid/ Reeve: Achoo wark wark, achoo wark wark, achoo wark wark, achoo wark wark wark wark  
  
[Clicks slide.]  
  
Cloud: Hippo chewing on bamboo  
  
Yuffie/ Cid/ Reeve: Hippo chewing on bamboo  
  
Cloud: Can't see boy and three Chocobos  
  
Yuffie/ Cid/ Reeve: Can't see boy and three Chocobos  
  
Cloud: Sad Chocobo is rowing and crying. Boo-hoo wark wark, boo-hoo wark wark , boo-hoo wark wark, boo-hoo wark wark wark wark  
  
Yuffie/ Cid/ Reeve: Boo-hoo wark wark, boo-hoo wark wark , boo-hoo wark wark, boo-hoo wark wark wark wark  
  
Cloud: Chocobo!  
  
Yuffie/ Cid/ Reeve: Chocobo!  
  
Cloud: Chocobo!  
  
Yuffie/ Cid/ Reeve: Chocobo!  
  
All: Achoo wark wark, boo-hoo wark wark, boo-hoo wark wark, achoo wark wark, achoo wark wark, boo-hoo wark wark, Chocobo!  
  
Cloud: Hippo seen by mute Chocobo  
  
Yuffie/ Cid/ Reeve: Hippo seen by mute Chocobo  
  
Cloud: Tries to tell the other two  
  
Yuffie/ Cid/ Reeve: Tries to tell the other two  
  
Cloud: Mute Chocobo is waving and grunting. Mmm-hmm mmm mmm, mmm-hmm mmm mmm, mmm-hmm mmm mmm, mmm-hmm mmm mmm mmm mmm  
  
Yuffie/ Cid/ Reeve: Mmm-hmm mmm mmm, mmm-hmm mmm mmm, mmm-hmm mmm mmm,  
  
mmm-hmm mmm mmm mmm mmm  
  
[Next slide is blank]  
  
Cloud: Uh-oh.  
  
[Vincent comes back in]  
  
Vincent: Wait! What happens next?  
  
Cloud: Um ...  
  
Vincent: Does the hippo see them? Is the poor mute Chocobo successful in communicating the  
  
imminent danger to the other passengers? Is the boy injured? Why is the sad Chocobo sad? Is the canoe wood or aluminum?  
  
[Clicks to next slide.]  
  
Cloud: Oh, look! There's me and Tifa at Sea World!  
  
[Next]  
  
Oh, wow. Forgot about that one (a/n: SephxCloud?!).  
  
[Next]  
  
There's me and that bull again.  
  
Vincent: You can't just start a song and leave it hanging like that! You know, I've come to expect a  
  
lot more from you. This is quite disappointing! I'm going to have to speak to Tifa about this.  
  
Cloud: Oh look, a Chocobo! Chocobo!  
  
Yuffie/ Cid/ Reeve: Chocobo!  
  
Cloud: No, wait ... that's a water buffalo.  
  
[Scene changes to Yuffie, Cid and Reeve leaving, dancing away.]  
  
Yuffie/ Cid/ Reeve: No more song about Chocobo! Need another verse or two! Audience is  
  
standing and leaving, bye-bye wark wark, bye-bye wark wark, bye-bye wark wark, bye-bye wark wark wark wark  
  
Cid: I want my money back!  
  
Reeve: Yeah, that'd be ... that'd be good. 


	6. The Yodeling Veteranarian of the Alps

The Yodeling Scientist of the Lab  
  
Notes: Despite some trouble I've had with this series, I will keep going. This one is for Morrigan, who suggested the song while I was comtemplating it, and Dillo, who asked for something with Hojo in it.  
  
Cid: And now it's time for Silly Songs With AVALANCHE. The part of our show where a FF7 member sings...a silly song. Today's episode: The Yodeling Scientist of the Lab.  
  
[Reno, Rude, Tseng and Elena, our Turk Quartet, stand onstage. Hojo is there too.]  
  
Turk Quartet: There lived a man so long ago, his memory's but faint  
  
Was not admired, did not inspire like president Rufus or Lucrecia saint  
  
But people came from far and near for powers they wish they had  
  
For a special cure they knew for sure wouldn't come from somone non-mad!  
  
Woooahhh ...  
  
Hojo: This is a song for your SOLDIER recuit  
  
He'll get powers and eyes of Mako blue  
  
But if I inject your SOLDIER recuit  
  
He will go crazy in a year or two!  
  
Yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hoo  
  
Yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hee yodel-eee-ooo  
  
Yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hoo  
  
Yada-yada yada-yada yad-eee-ooo!  
  
[Vincent, playing the part of Hojo's assistant (nurse!), walks onstage, wearing the classic Pokemon nurse's costume.]  
  
Vincent: He's gone a little loopy,  
  
In case you haven't heard.  
  
Now get this SOLDIER outta here  
  
And never spread a word.  
  
Quartet: No skeptic could explain just how, nor could one have rebuts,  
  
The method to his madness, even though he was quite nuts.  
  
Some would stand in silence but no one dared to blab  
  
About the curious ways of the Yodeling Scientist of the Lab.  
  
Woooahhh ...  
  
Vincent: Bad news on the recruit, doc! He's gone insane and died!  
  
Hojo: This is a song for my pregnant girlfriend  
  
She's looking nauseous and a week past due  
  
But if I inject my pregnant girlfriend  
  
She'll die, and the baby might too!  
  
Yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hoo  
  
Yodel-leh-hee yodel-ye-dee yodel-eee-ooo  
  
Yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hee yodel-aye-hoo  
  
Yada-yada yada-yada ya-ga-doo!  
  
Vincent: The people are dying,  
  
We're loosing our ties,  
  
And being in this dress is  
  
Making people give me the eyes!  
  
Quartet: The practice grew, their profits flew until one fateful day,  
  
When the nurse who did assist the doc asked for a raise in pay.  
  
The doctor pondered this awhile, sat back and he did blab: "Just wear the dress, no way, Jose!"  
  
To the nurse of the Yodeling Scientist of the Lab.  
  
Woooahhh ...  
  
Vincent: Bad news on Lucy, doc! She's dead and her son wants to destroy all human life.  
  
Hojo: This is a song for my dress-wearing nurse  
  
He looks uncomfy, think I'd be too.  
  
But if I inject my dress-wearing nurse  
  
He'll have demons to tear his mind in two!  
  
Yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hoo  
  
Yodel-leh-hee O-layhee Oly-ooo  
  
Yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hoo  
  
Yodel-leh-hee yaba-daba yaba-doo!  
  
Chaos: Grooooooowllll!  
  
Vincent: Hey, what are you doing with that gun??  
  
Hojo: Yodel-leh-hee! Yodel-leh-hee yodel-leh-hoo!  
  
No, wait! This should work!  
  
Yodel-leh-hee! Yodel-leh-hoo yodel-leh-hoo!  
  
Turk Quartet: Now the moral of the story, it's the point to which we've led:  
  
When you're a nurse to a scientist you'll get demons in your head!  
  
Hojo: Yodel-leh-hee! Yodel-leh-hoo!  
  
Yodel odle odle aye de aye de ooo-ooo-ooo!  
  
Turk Quartet: Oh! Some would stand in silence but no one dared to blab  
  
For the curious ways of the Yodeling Scientist of the Lab!"  
  
  
  
Notes: *cackles* Vinny in a Nurse Joy dress! Something for all the fangirls! (I might hafta draw that...) 


	7. Love Songs With AVALANCHE: His Cheesebur...

His Masaune  
  
Notes: It took forever to get a parody for this one! Uh...Aeris- bashing...but nothing that doesn't happen in the game ^.^ This is for Cutiemew and the Flower Girl, who asked for some SEPHY!! ^.~ And no dresses, I promise.  
  
Aeris: And now it's time for Love Songs With AVALANCHE. The part of the show where a FF7 member comes out and sings...a love song.  
  
[Aeris is our narrator. Sephiroth and Tifa come onstage, where a restaurant backdrop is placed.]  
  
Aeris: He said to her I'd like a Masamune  
  
And I might like a Potion as well  
  
[Seph motions to the empty sword holder on his back.]  
  
She said to him, "I can't give you either"  
  
[Tifa shakes her head.]  
  
And he said, "Isn't this Weapon Bell?"  
  
[Seph looks at the sign outside.]  
  
She said, "It's 7th Heaven and we're closed now,  
  
But we open tomorrow at ten."  
  
[Tifa flips the sign over to say '7th Heaven' then locks the door and leaves.]  
  
He said, "I am extremely angsty,  
  
But I guess I can wait until then."  
  
[Seph sits on the curb, head in his hands.]  
  
Cuz you're his Masamune  
  
His yummy Masamune (A/N: yes, I know I kept yummy o.O)  
  
He'll wait for you. Ya!  
  
He'll wait for you.  
  
Oh, you are his Masamune  
  
His sharpy Masamune  
  
He'll wait for you  
  
Oh, he will wait for you.  
  
[Seph sits on the sidewalk, playing solitaire to pass time.]  
  
He stayed at the drive-thru till sunrise  
  
He may have dozed off once or twice  
  
[Seph is seen conked out on the sidewalk, drolling all over the place.]  
  
When he spotted a billboard for the Dragoon game  
  
Weapons and items for half price!  
  
[Seph looks at the billboard, an advertisement for 'Legend of Dragoon'.]  
  
  
  
How could he resist such an offer?  
  
He really needed something to use to kill  
  
[Seph looks evilly at the squirrel beside him.]  
  
Masamune, please do not get angry  
  
He can use two, what a skill!  
  
[Seph goes to the Dragoon game and steals Rose's Rapier, then comes back.]  
  
Cuz you're his Masamune  
  
His precious Masamune  
  
Be back for you.  
  
He'll be back for you.  
  
Won't be so long, Masamune  
  
Oh, lovely Masamune  
  
Be back for you  
  
Oh, he'll be back for you.  
  
[Aeris comes onstage next to Seph, and goes all out lounge singer.]  
  
Cuz he loves you Masamune with all his heart  
  
And there's nothin' gonna tear you two-oo apart  
  
[Sephy hugs his Massy (A/N: o.O Scary thought...)]  
  
And if on you someone would sneeze,  
  
He would get down on his hands and knees  
  
[Aeris sneezes on Masamune. Sephy glares daggers.]  
  
After he killed the person who sneezed on you  
  
[Seph stabs Aeris.]  
  
And he would wash it off for you  
  
Wipe it off for you  
  
Clean that yucky spit off just for you!  
  
[Seph polishes his Masamune. Aeris lays in a heap on the ground.]  
  
You are his cheese ... burrrr ... grrrrr!  
  
[Aeris faints from blood-loss (for Cloud to come revive a minute later. That's for the Aeris-fans) and Sephy walks off happily, with Rose's Rapier and Masamune.]  
  
Rose: [Offstage] Hey! Get back here with my sword you long-haired freak!  
  
  
  
Notes: yes, I am now addicted to LOD. You can probably expect a crossover sometime ^.~ 


	8. I Love My Lips

I Love My Materia  
  
Notes: Long time no see, ne? Well, if things work right, I can post this, but I think logging in is down till the 21st. Thanks to all the positive support, I'm continuing this, even though I was taking a FF7 break for some FF8 stuff, but I'll do both! I think Flower Girl suggested this one. It's got Hojo in it, for Dillo! And Blue, I'm gonna work on that one you sent me next!  
  
  
  
Tifa: Welcome to silly Songs with AVALANCHE. The part of our show where a FF member comes out and sings...a silly song.  
  
[A backdrop of a phyciatrist's office falls into place. Hojo is sitting on the chair, and Yuffie is lying on that couch thing.]  
  
One day while talking with Dr. Hojo, Yuffie confronts one of her deepest fears ...  
  
Yuffie: If my Materia ever left my pocket, packed a bag and decided to walk it, that'd be too bad, I'd be so sad.  
  
Hojo: I see. That'd be too bad, you'd be so sad?  
  
Yuffie: That'd be too bad. If my Materia said "adios, I don't like you I think you're gross," that'd be too bad, I might get mad.  
  
Hojo: That'd be too bad, you might get mad?  
  
Yuffie: That'd be too bad. If my Materia moved back to Wutai, left a mess and didn't say goodbye, that'd be too bad, I'd call my Dad.  
  
Hojo: That'd be too bad, you'd call your Dad?  
  
Yuffie: That'd be too bad.  
  
Hojo: Hold it. Did you say your father? Fascinating! So what you're saying is that if your Materia left you ...  
  
Yuffie: That'd be too bad, I'd be so sad, I might get mad, I'd call my Dad. That be too bad.  
  
Hojo: That'd be to bad?  
  
Yuffie: That'd be too bad.  
  
Hojo: Why?  
  
Yuffie: Because I love my Materia.  
  
[Yuffie Scat sings, while jumping up and down on the sofa.]  
  
Hojo: Oh my ... This is more serious than I thought. Yuffie, tell me, what do you see here?  
  
[Hojo holds up one of those inkblot tests.]  
  
Yuffie: Um, that looks like Black Materia.  
  
[Another.]  
  
Hojo: And this?  
  
Yuffie: It's Summon Materia!  
  
[Yet another.]  
  
Hojo: And this?  
  
Yuffie: It's Materia, it's Materia, it's a Ma-te-ri-ah! It's Materia, it's Materia, it's a Ma-te-ri-ah! It's Materia, it's Materia, it's a Ma-te-ri- ah! COVER MATERIA! Ma-te-ri-ah!  
  
[Yuffie jumps on Hojo.]  
  
Hojo: What was that for?!  
  
Yuffie: COVER MATERIA!!  
  
[She sits back on the sofa.]  
  
Hojo: Yuffie, tell me about your childhood.  
  
Yuffie: When I was just two years old I left my Materia out in the cold and it turned blue. What could I do?  
  
Hojo: It turned blue, what could you do?  
  
Yuffie: Oh it turned blue. On the day I got my tooth I had to give my Materia to my Great Aunt Ruth. She had a beard ... and it looked weird.  
  
Hojo: My, my. She had a beard and it looked weird?  
  
Yuffie: She had a beard. Ten days after I turned eight, got my Materia stuck in a gate. My friends all laughed. And I just stood there until the fire department came and broke the lock with a crow bar and I had to spend the next six weeks in Materia rehab with this kid named Oscar who got stung by a bee- protecting his Materia - and we couldn't even talk to each other until the fifth week because both our Materia was so gone, and when he did start speaking he just spoke Polish and I only knew like three words in Polish except now I know four because Oscar taught me the word for Materia: Usta!  
  
Hojo: Your friends all laughed ... Usta? How do you spell that?  
  
Yuffie: I don't know.  
  
Hojo: So what you're saying is that when you were young ...  
  
Yuffie: It turned blue, what could I do? She had a beard and it looked weird. My friends all laughed ... Usta!  
  
Hojo: I'm confused ...  
  
Yuffie: I love my Materia!  
  
[She begins scatting and jumping on the sofa again. Hojo rubs his temples and sighs.]  
  
Tifa: This has been Silly Songs with AVALANCHE. Tune in next time to hear Cloud say ...  
  
[Same backdrop, only Cloud is on the sofa instead of Yuffie.]  
  
Cloud: Have I ever told you how I feel about my nose?  
  
[Hojo looks at his wrist at an imaginary watch.]  
  
Hojo: Oh, look at the time!  
  
[Hojo dashes out of the room, and Cloud shrugs. Then Cloud begins to scat sing about his nose.]  
  
~Fin  
  
Notes: Okay peeps! A few things I've realized. 1) I can only do these when I'm by myself, cuz I have a tendancy to sing these songs as I parody them ^.^. 2) I actually CAN keep a series going. and 3) I'm running out of VeggieTales songs. ....Any regular songs you want to see parodied? Blue, I got yours. Anyone else? 


	9. It's Christmas!

Christmas  
  
Notes: It's just too hot. So I'm doing a Christmas in August! ^.~ And I'm up on a Cat-Boy obsession.  
  
Yay for Andreah, who guessed my next fic before it came out! ^.^ *hands her a cookie*  
  
[A house backdrop is plopped onstage.]  
  
Tifa: And now it's time for Silly Songs with AVALANCHE. The part of the show where a FF7 member sings...a silly song. It's Christmas Eve, and Reeve is anxiously awaiting the arrival of Santa Claus with a plate of cookies.  
  
Reeve: [jumps around] Oh, Santa! I can't wait for you to come, I just can't wait for you to come, and I've got cookies! Three yummy cookies! Just for you for when you come, only for you for when you come ... because it's Christmas!  
  
[Knock-knock-knock on the door]  
  
Reeve: Could that be Santa? Could that be him? Could it be the one who brings presents for a Cat-Boy like me, a good Ex-Shinra Cat-Boy like me?  
  
Tifa: Larry is surprised to be greeted not by Santa, but a demon!  
  
Reeve: Who are you?  
  
Vincent: [bursts in] I'm Chaos! And I've come to kill Hojo, oh yes! I've come to kill Hojo, and I've come to exact my revenge for my past. So stand back, step aside you silly cat! And let me in!  
  
Tifa: Although frightened by the intruder, in the spirit of Christmas, Reeve makes an offering.  
  
Reeve: I'm not Hojo ... I'm no psycho, my demon friend, but I have cookies - three yummy cookies. And I didn't screw up your past, but please take this my demon friend. Eat one of these my robbing friend! They are for Santa, but you may have one.  
  
[Reeve shoves a cookie in Vincent's mouth.]  
  
Tifa: The demon is truly touched by Reeve's good will. But Reeve, although momentarily distracted, is still excited about seeing Santa.  
  
Reeve: Oh, Santa! I can't wait for you to come, I just can't wait for you to come, and I've got cookies! Two yummy cookies! Just for you for when you come, only for you for when you come ... because it's Christmas!  
  
Vincent: (Simultaneously) I'm Chaos! And I've come to kill Hojo, oh yes! I've come to kill Hojo, and I've come to exact my revenge for my past. ... you shared a cookie - a yummy cookie. Though I'd love to take my revenge, perhaps another time - because it's Christmas!  
  
[Knock, knock, knock on the door]  
  
Reeve: Could that be Santa? Could that be him? Could it be the one who brings presents for a Cat-Boy like me, a good Ex-Shinra Cat-Boy like me?  
  
Tifa: Once again, it is not Santa who has come to Reeve's door, but this time a savage Corperate businessman.  
  
Reeve: Who are you?  
  
Rufus: [bursts in] I'm a businessman! And I've come to take your business, oh yes! I've come to take your business, and I've come to burn your home and steal your stocks. And I've come to ... step on your employees! And soil your reputation!  
  
Tifa: Although frightened by the intruder, in the spirit of Christmas, Reeve makes an offering.  
  
Reeve: I don't have a business ... I don't have stocks, my Corperate friend, but I have cookies - two yummy cookies. And I don't have employees, but please take this my Corperate friend. Eat one of these my Corperate friend. They are for Santa, but you may have one.  
  
[Reeve stuffs a cookie in Rufus' mouth.]  
  
Tifa: The businessman is also touched by Reeve's good will. But Reeve's thoughts are still with Santa.  
  
Reeve: Oh, Santa! I can't wait for you to come, I just can't wait for you to come, I've got a cookie! A yummy cookie! Just for you for when you come, only for you for when you come ... because it's Christmas!  
  
Rufus: (Simultaneously) I'm a businessman! And I've come to take your business, oh yes! I've come to take your business... you shared a cookie - a yummy cookie. Though I'd love to soil your reputation, I don't think that I wilt ... because it's Christmas!  
  
[Knock-knock-knock on the door]  
  
Reeve: Could that be Santa? Could that be him? Could it be the one who brings presents for a Cat-Boy like me, a good Ex-Shinra Cat-Boy like me?  
  
Tifa: Reeve is greeted now by an agent of the Internal Revenue Service.  
  
Reeve: Who are you?  
  
Sephiroth: [stands at the dor] I'm from the IRS! And I've come to tax your ...  
  
[Reeve slams the door on him quickly.]  
  
Reeve: Oh, Santa! I can't wait for you to come, I just can't wait for you to come ...  
  
[Muffled curses come from the chimney]  
  
Reeve: It's finally Santa! It's finally him! At last, the one who brings presents for a Cat-Boy like me, a good Ex-Shinra Cat-Boy like me  
  
[Cid falls down the chinmey with a loud obsenity.]  
  
Cid (In a Santa costume ^.^): I'm Santa! And I've come to bring you gifts, oh yes! I've come to bring you @#$%in' gifts, and I've come to stuff your mother-@#$%in' stockings - oh ho-ho-ho! And I've NOT come to jiggle my belly. And NOT wiggle my nose [glares at the author]  
  
Karu: Whaaaaaat?? [bats her eyelashes]  
  
Cid: [turns to Vincent] ... Hey, wait a minute! Ain't you the one who attacked me yelling somethin' about Hojo? [glares at Rufus] And what are you doing with my @#$% hat? So you're the ones!  
  
Vincent: Wait a minute, I can explain!  
  
Rufus: We've changed!  
  
Cid: Nobody messes with Santa, god@#$%it!! You know that don't you!? You've been very naughty! And I've got a @#$%in' list!  
  
[Cid chases Vincent and Rufus around the room angrily cursing, while Reeve watches.]  
  
Sephiroth: [pops in and points to Reeve's last cookie] Did you claim that?  
  
Reeve: [blinks and hands Seph the cookie] Merry ... Christmas!  
  
Notes: XD...I really should be fwapped...^.^ 


	10. Larry Boy Theme

Shinra Boys  
  
Notes: O.O...I have run out of VT songs! I know there's at least one out there, but I can't find it. Hey, Flower Girl, if you know where it is, can you send my the lyrics? And if anyone has any, VT or regular, send the lyrics my way! ^.^ I love parodies! I already got one from Blue and Tamayo, and I'm working on them.  
  
This one is for Destiny of Fire, who gave me the insanely hirarious image of 'Ballareno' (I'm gonna draw that!) and for Tamayo, cuz she sent me an MP3 of 'My Sharona', she made me a website, and she's just so nifty peachy cool! *gives her a life-sized Rufus plushie and Eminem music* ^.^ And also to whoever said Cloud hasn't sang (I forget who...gomen^.^o). Plus, everyone who reviewed and follows this! *hands everyone a plushie of their fave FF chara*  
  
Just to note: This song was my back-up.....  
  
[Sort of a music video setup. Reno and Rufus are standing in the center, and off to the side are Elena, Scarlet and Lucrecia.]  
  
Shinra Singers (Elena, Scarlet and Lucrecia): Shinra Boys! Shinra Boys! A bishie mean and a drink machine! Shinra Boys! Shinra Boys! Out of sight, evil tight! Shinra Boys!  
  
[Reno steps up, looking cool, but a little woozy...]  
  
Reno: Who do they call when Midgar's in trouble? Who's got the suit with super-cool shades? There's no need to panic, 'cause this guy's manic, And you know that he'll drink through the day! You need a hand, he's right there on the double Hey, hey, if you got the pay! Redhead in blue! The Turks are after you!  
  
[He falls over unconcious. Tseng, the stage manager, drags him off and lets him sleep it off in the dressing room (Where silly me, I gave the number to all the Reno-fangirls in the audience...*whistles*]  
  
[Back onstage...]  
  
Shinra Singers: Shinra Boys! Shinra Boys! A bishie mean and a drink machine! Shinra Boys! Shinra Boys! Out of sight, evil tight! Shinra Boys!  
  
[Rufus stands center. He doesn't sing, but says the words to music.]  
  
Rufus: Where do you turn when this world needs power? A man with style and a panther by his side? It's easy to prove he's just one of the evilest Brats that you'll ever know. It's plain to see in fashion he's no zero At the wheel of the Shinra Inc, Blonde in white! He'll give you a fight!  
  
[He does the patented 'Bishie Hair Flip', sending all the Rufus fans swooning. Reno runs back out, chased by a crowd of fans.]  
  
Shinra Singers: Shinra Boys! Shinra Boys! A bishie mean and a drink machine! Shinra Boys! Shinra Boys! Out of sight, evil tight! Shinra Boys! Long may the voice of corperate tyranny reign!  
  
[Reno jumps onstage next to Rufus.]  
  
Reno & Rufus: We are that Coperation!  
  
[By now, the Rufus fans have woken from their swoon, and start chasing him too. Both Reno and Rufus are running back and forth across the room, chased by a HUGE crowd of fangirls.]  
  
Reno: O.O....*runs*  
  
Rufus: O.O...*runs*  
  
Fangirls: *squeal, chase*  
  
Shinra Singers: Shinra Boys! Shinra Boys! A bishie mean and a drink machine! Shinra Boys! Shinra Boys! Out of sight, evil tight! Shinra Boys! Shinra Boys! Shinra Boys! Lookin' great! Fashion plate! Shinra Boys! Shinra Boys! A bishie mean and a drink machine! Shinra Boys! Shinra Boys! Out of sight, evil tight! Shinra Boys! Shinra Boys! Shinra Boys! A bishie mean and a drink machine! Lookin' great! Fashion plate! Out of sight...  
  
[Cloud pokes his head in front of the singers.]  
  
Cloud: Dynomite!  
  
[The three of them push Cloud back behind them.]  
  
Shinra Singers: Shinra Boys!  
  
[Tseng watches the mess going on, shakes his head and tunrs off the camera.]  
  
Tseng: Bakas...  
  
  
  
Notes: Yeah, I know that one sucked, but I DID say it was the backup... Now click that lil button to the left under this and tell me whatcha think! *sings* My, my, my, aye, aye--whoa! M-m-m-my Sharona~!  
  
~Karu ^.~ 


End file.
